I know many men and women alike will take offense to what I’m about to reveal. But, let me first say that I am in no way “bashing” men. I love men. Period! I am the Mother to a glorious male child, I appreciate men in all their natural, artistic, compassionate, nurturing, sensual and hardworking forms, I am a friend to many wonderful male friends…one of my dearest friends and guides is my Father. So no, I do not have a “hate-on” for men. We are all, male and female alike, comprised of both masculine and feminine energies. The more we honour this, the more integrated and authentic we become as human beings.
But I digress, while this is a subject is a departure from my typical writings, it has taken precedence in many of my conversations with others of late. Women of all ages have been engaging with me regarding their dating and relationship experiences (as women do). And, woefully the conversation always comes back to, Why Women Lose Interest in Men. I’m not referring to bedroom techniques, what’s in his financial portfolio, or the fact he no longer goes to the gym; despite what many articles on the subject would have you believe most women really are NOT that shallow. In fact, as you read on you’ll discover that is the crux of the problem!
Let’s start with the basics. Like all humans, women desire and require to have the same basic emotional/social/intellectual needs met:
- Friendship (a sense of community and kinship),
- Mental Stimulation (activity, engagement and conversation),
- Acknowledgement (“Hey! I exist, am interesting and share the same air as you.”), and
- Collaborative Creativity (in relationships often expressed romantically).
The question then becomes, why is this so frustratingly hard for some men to comprehend? Perhaps, I should rephrase. I don’t believe the issue is with men’s comprehension, but rather with their difficulty in tapping into their own needs and intuition (not easy for many us!) And then, relating that their basic psychological needs are not so different from ours. Makes sense, no?
While men may sometimes physically leave or step out of a relationship first, it is a little known fact that women usually “check out” or lose interest in the relationship first. Yes, I know. We all want to be married and in traditionally committed relationships, so how can this be the case? Let’s go back to the basics: when there is no solid and ever evolving friendship present, ongoing mental stimulation, unsolicited acknowledgement and a general lack of creativity it becomes easy for a woman to become bored, detached and complacent. And although the glossy grocery store magazines will try to tell us different, when a woman is truly wanting to connect (share our lives, souls, hearts, minds, thoughts, ideas and experiences) with a man, that man must provide much more than hot, steamy, prime-time sex to keep her interested.
Why then are so many, many women staying in relationships where their needs are not getting met? Most women are staying for the perceived stability, status and outmoded traditions imposed on our gender. Not because of the great sex, conversation and companionship! Women are deep, earthy, intuitive souls. This depth and intuition is why many believe us to be complicated. When we connect, we connect on a soul level. Women look for and need more in our relationships and interactions with others- at once, both a spiritual and emotional exchange.
In truth, it actually takes a whole lot and very little at the same time to keep a woman’s interest: friendship, mental stimulation, acknowledgement and creativity. But, it must be offered freely, sincerely and without hidden agendas and expected sexual favours. The very things we ALL desire- authentic unity and connection!
Here’s to living Lighter, Brighter and FULLER lives! 🙂
The Process of Life blog posts are inspired lessons, learnings, reflections and meditations acquired for myself and my fellow growth journeyers- Coach Melanie